Tips for Time Travelers

If you’re planning a trip through time, here are a few things to remember.

1. Never to go the theater with Abraham Lincoln
2. Avoid blimps that don’t say Goodyear on the side
3. Never accept a car ride from a Kennedy

Top 5 Reasons there were no American flags at the DNC this year

So a lot of people noticed that the Democrats didn’t have any American flags at their convention last month.

Here are the top 5 reasons there were no American flags at the DNC this year:

5. Had to send them back because they didn’t have 57 stars on them.

4. Couldn’t get free 2 day shipping because their Amazon.com Prime account had expired.

3. Fire marshal wouldn’t allow them — Democrats + American flags = spontaneous combustion.

2. The shipment of flags was incepted by the Russians and given to Trump.

1. Wasn’t enough room on stage for both the flags and Hillary’s ego.

Back To The Jenner

The Hillary Compromise

Hillary Clinton wants to be president. Trouble is a lot of people don’t want her to be. I propose a compromise:

Let’s make her president. Of Russia.

Think about it. Russia has a history of corrupt politics. Political opponents “disappear”. Accusations of voter fraud. Etc.

Hillary would fit right in!

What about Putin, you say? He’s getting older. He could retire and be happy in the knowledge that his legacy would carry on.

The Trump Compromise

A while back the heads of the Republican Party had a meeting with Donald Trump. They wanted him to agree that if he didn’t end up being the nominee he would support the nominee and not attempt a third party run.

I think this was the wrong deal to make. They should have made this deal instead: Trump drops out of the race. In return, if the Republican nominee wins the election they agree to appoint Trump as both Press Secretary and Secretary of State. This way he could make outlandish claims to the press (as Press Secretary) and then use his talent as a negotiator to make deals with other countries (as Secretary of State).

Filmmakers Ignore Advice

One piece of advice I’ve heard more than once about film making is this:

“You should take out anything that doesn’t move the story forward.”

Now if this is true, why do so many films ignore it? Think about it – how many movies have you seen that would have been just as good without the sex or profanity in it?

A Couple of World Cup 2014 Graphics

President Obama and Gay Marriage

President Obama says that he wants gay people to get married. Marriage is a religious institution. So…

…why is President Obama trying to force religion on gay people?

Miss me yet?

Made this last year. It was funnier then.

A Response to Upworthy’s Venn Diagram Infographic

The other day the Romney campaign released a graphic showing how Obama had failed on his promise to lower healthcare costs.

Instead of contesting the facts on the diagram, liberals instead decided to mock Romney by saying that it wasn’t a true Venn diagram. They created their own graphic to try to school Mr. Romney.

Unfortunately, there is a problem with their response. The Romney campaign graphic doesn’t actually claim to be a Venn diagram. John Venn developed the Venn diagram in 1880. People used overlapping circles to represent things before 1880, and they still do today. Just because something has overlapping circles doesn’t make it a Venn diagram.

The diagram does, however, make it very easy to see where Obama fail short of his promises. Since they can’t debate the facts of the issue, liberals have to try to distract you with nonsense.

If they really want a Venn diagram, though I’m sure we can come up with one:

Update: Linked by both The Looking Spoon and IMAO